Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My Mother's Day

Another Mother's Day. A wonderful day spent with my favorite people.
You know, I can still remember my first mother's day... Sitting in church trying not to puke up my guts, round little belly under a maternity dress I probably didn't much need yet, only about 3 months pregnant. During the mothers' recognition part of the service, all mothers were asked to stand up. I can still see where I was sitting on the left towards the back. At first I was hesitant to stand up because I didn't think I quite qualified yet. My proud young husband prodded me on. I finally did stand up, nearly giddy with expectation. I was finally going to realize my dream of being a mother.

Spring 1994

That was 16 years ago. I was just a young woman of 20 something without a clue as to the road that motherhood was about to lead me on. Before my first child was born I wondered what that child would look like, what its little voice would sound like, what it would grow to become one day. And how many others might follow.

I can honestly say that being a mother was everything I ever dreamed it would be and nothing I ever dreamed it would be. There have been many highs and lows. There have been many moments that took my breath away, and a few moments of disappointment. There have been times that I can honestly say that I shined as a mother and times that, I must admit, I have failed miserably. If given a chance at a "do-over" in my life, I'm sure it would be used to start my time as a mother again and do things better. I would be kinder, more forgiving, more loving, less severe, more fun, more encouraging, less critical, and hopefully erroring on the side of mercy and grace. Of course there are no do-overs. I do feel that adding a child later in life gives you a bit of a chance to learn from earlier mistakes. I have changed in many ways as a result "this time around". But there are still some things that seem to be ingrained in me that haven't changed. I often joke that each of my kids has a savings account that is set aside -not for college-, but for THERAPY.

My children bought me a beautiful hydrangea bush for Mother's Day. Its gorgeous blue flowers will always remind me of my day and my wonderful family. I'll remember the lovely table set for me and the whirlwind Mikaela made me. I'll remember Jacob helping plant and Joe and Maimie's flower picks for me. I'm truly the most blessed Mama around. And perhaps next Mother's Day there will be yet another little blessing to celebrate. But if I could have anything else this day--ANYTHING--it would be to undo any pain and hurts I've caused my children over the years. To take back any apathy, frustrated sighs, and selfishness that I've given them. And instead to fill up those spaces with blessings.

Tired of taking photos!

Ni Hao Y'all


the millers said...

You just put into words exactly how I feel as a mother. I've failed so many times. I always pray that God would grow my boys into godly men despite my miserable failures. And praise God, I know He can do it!
Love the picture from 1994. I remember that hair!!!

Anonymous said...

Monica, so glad you posted the photos with you and the kids! They are great! Don't beat yourself up over the past mistakes in "mothering". You are being too hard on yourself. Just love on them daily because they love you "no matter what"!
In Christian Love,
Grandma & Grandpa

Football & Fried Rice said...

I love the gift your kids gave you for Mother's Day - something that LASTS! So glad that you can still recount how you felt even that first Mother's Day..it is truly the greatest calling, isn't it?

Jill said...

I love Hydrangea! What a wonderful day and gift!

Visiting by way of Stefanie and Sunday Snapshot.

Jill from The Glen

Stefanie said...

Loved this!! Love the old pregnancy picture... I think I buried all of mine ;)
Sounds like a fantastic Mother's Day, hydrangeas are my favorite!
Thanks for playing along this week!

Chris said...

I am also a 'second-time around' mom. And I am a lot more laid back and care-free....I try not to sweat the small stuff and try to look a the bigger scheme of things!

Love the old photo...!

Happy {belated} Mother's Day!