Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Long time no post

I'm not sure if it's blogger's block, or if I've just been too bogged down in the mire lately.  Either way there hasn't been any bloggin' going on here.
Today marks four months since the day we met Saidie.

Saidie is adorable, funny, busy, stubborn, lovey, prickly, sweet, bossy, sneaky, smart, wonderful, ...did I say adorable?... , and a perfect fit for our family.  But she's not entirely able to let down her guard with me in some ways.  I don't say this because I blame her.  It's really not been that long ago that we upset her whole world, her whole life.

But sometimes I look at her and I see it.  It's in her eyes mostly, and sometimes the set of her mouth.  She's not sure she's ready to buy into me.  I sometimes think maybe she almost wants to, but...perhaps that would mean giving up on her foster mama, or maybe I'm just another in her long line of mother figures who have so far all abandoned her (at least in her way of thinking).  Maybe I'm imagining it.  Maybe she just doesn't like that this big nosed white lady tells her no, or makes her share, or doesn't allow her to push and pinch her sister, or makes her clean her plate if she wants dessert.  Could be a combination.

Making a snack for the birds

Maybe it's normal that a 3 1/2 year old and a 40ish year old need time to learn to love each other.  But that's okay, too.  We do have plenty of that.

Peeking through the fence

Bouquets for mom

watching for the birds

I do know that I'm having a lot of fun with my sweet little Saidie despite the challenges.  I couldn't be happier to have her in my life.  And I'm confident that someday the feeling will be mutual.  Meanwhile I'm grateful to be chosen to parent this amazing gift of a child.  And each day God knits together our hearts a little more...


Anonymous said...

We continue to pray that Saidie's heart will be healed and she will accept you as her "forever mommy". One of these days it will all click and she will realize you are always there to love her and protect her. We can't wait for that day so we can love on her too!
Cute photos and love the bouquets!
In Christian Love,
Grandma & Grandpa

Martha said...

great post...had been wondering where ya went! good to see ya back!

Anonymous said...

Someone once said that eyes are a window to the soul. When I look into hers, I see a little girl who has love poured into her...unconditional love, but the well is deep. One of these days, it will fill to the top and overflow and the bond will be forever there. Keep on keeping on!

Paige said...

Someone told me once: it takes them about as long as they weren't with you, to become comfortable with you... make sense... Lilah wasn't with us for two years and in May she will have been with us for two years, I am hoping to see a sudden change in her trust levels!

I am glad you are enjoying Sadie, even with the struggles!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty. It is truly refreshing! I long in my heart for a chinese daughter, and I don't know why!!! It's really crazy that now, after all these yrs without a child, that suddenly the need in me is reborn??? I came across the Youtube Gotcha day vlogs and I was floored. I literally watched all of them. The children are beautiful. I Want one!!!! ahhh... Hope God steps in and qwells the ache or fulfills it. I can't figure out why I feel this way... I'm dying to adopt a baby girl from China. alas, my hubby doesn't feel the same. Oh well, who knows, perhaps I've really lost it this time :))) Happy Easter!!!